So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
