I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
