Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
