Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
