Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
