Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
