I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
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I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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