so that wasnt chicken after all
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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