Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
