Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
