im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
