Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
