You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
