Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
