the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
