Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
