ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
