Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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