as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
