I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
