Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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