Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
