Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
