My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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