I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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