my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
