Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
