come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
