worst night to have a conscience
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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