I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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