i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
