Your mouth is God's brothel.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
