I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
