I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
