My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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