when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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