Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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