two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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