I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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