Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
