yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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