dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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