I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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