My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
