Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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