On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?