I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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