If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize