apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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