lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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