my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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