what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
