The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize