life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
