I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
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speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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