I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
