Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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