Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
