can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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