Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
