Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
