we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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