1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
