I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
